Introducing - The Men Who Have Ruined Football

So Roman has got bored again and we all  know what that means... The man who is almost single handedly responsible for football becoming detached from reality has forked out another few million in compensation. He also seems deluded enough to think that Pep Guardiola will consider ruining his reputation by managing a club whose owner will sack you if you lose 2 games.. 3 recent managers of Chelsea have failed to last a year in charge..

Plank 

The majority of Chelsea fans will accept the decision.. The older fans, because they still remember the days of John Bumstead, Doug Rougvie and relegation, will always look on these times as a golden age. The younger fans, because they know no different, will accept whatever decision Abramovich makes, as long as a ready supply of silverware continues to flow into the Stamford Bridge trophy cabinet . It leads to the question, have Chelsea lost the plot, or is it football in general?

It's fairly obvious from the first paragraph that I am not a fan of Abramovich. I dislike him for what he has done to football (as well as other things that are easy to find online if you search well enough). I don't mind footballers being well paid, as part of the entertainment business market forces will dictate their earnings. Players should be able to take what they can from the game. If a club is prepared to pay £200,000 a week we shouldn't castigate the players for accepting it. I'm fairly sure that if anyone came and offered us a well paid job we'd all take it. The problem comes when rich people with no understanding of sport or the sport industry get to make the big decisions. One fact though is undeniable - Chelsea are Roman's club and he can do what he wants with them. If he wants Chelsea to have 3 managers a season he can do it. If he wants Chelsea to wear pink and purple shirts, he can do that too. If he chooses to leave, he can, and he can ruin the club in the process.

Here is the real problem. These people who come in and buy clubs often have no understanding of the culture and history of the club. It's just a plaything. The bad news is, that these people are not unique to the Premier League.  There are plenty of examples to show how one man can ruin the proud history of a club. The sad thing is that there is nothing that the supporters can do about it. One of the clubs that is local to me, a club that has been well run and punching above its weight for years is currently having it's soul ripped out by a wealthy moron.

For most of their history Forest Green Rovers have been found rummaging amongst the dregs of  the West of England's clubs. I remember them usually in the bottom 4 of the Southern League (Midland Division). Then, in the mid 90's they found themselves a decent manager and board and rapidly rose up to the Conference, where they still sit today, and to the FA Trophy final twice. Add to that a decent new stadium and you could argue that FGR were a club that all non league clubs could look at for good practice.

The problem is that they come from a small town (Nailsworth) and so have small crowds.. (Small crowds, not bad crowds because as a % of local population attending, FGR must rate quite highly). To be able to compete against Wrexham, Newport and Luton, and ultimately to become a fully professional club,  Forest Green Rovers needed a rich benefactor. Without someone chucking money in they would never finish outside the bottom 8.

Would you trust this man?

Step forward Mr Dale Vince. A man who has made his millions through the green electricity company Ecotricity and who was prepared to become the major shareholder of the club. Sadly the vegan new age traveller turned business tycoon has inflicted the club with his own ideas. Some good (Solar panels for electricity and pitch equipment), some bad (changing the club badge), some laughable (banning players from eating red meat) and some moronic (banning the sale of meat in the stadium - no burgers and pies people).

Then he committed one of the greatest crimes a club owner can possibly commit. He messed with the kit. After years of playing in black and white stripes, Vince decided that FGR should wear green shirts. Green to show how environmentally friendly the club is. Sadly, to most people it just looks like a stupid joke based on the fact that a colour is mentioned in the clubs name.

The supporters protested, but it fell on deaf ears. At home games banners still show resentment. But, and it's a big but, the club are having their best season ever. They are challenging for promotion to the Football League, and playing some decent stuff. Their performances this season would not be possible without Mr Vince's money. Like Chelsea, FGR could not compete without a rich man's money.

What is more important? The clubs history or success? To most supporters success is irrelevant. It's nice, but it's usually for supporters of other clubs. One thing is for sure, when Mr Vince or Mr Abramovich get bored, the supporters of their clubs will still be there. Whatever league it's in, I hope the good people of Nailsworth are watching their team playing in black and white stripes, and stuffing a meat pie into their mouths.

Overpaid players aren't the problem football has to cure. It's the rich businessmen who haven't got a clue who need sorting out.

So Close Spurs, So Close

Logging onto social media at the end of a match is always entertaining, especially when your club isn't playing! I checked various timelines roughly 5 minutes after Edin Dzeko won the game for Manchester City against Spurs.

Pressure already

The general consensus was that Villas-Boas was the wrong man for the job and that his tactics had cost Spurs the game.. There were several calls for a return of the popularity 'cult of Harry' to the Lane. It made me think about how Spurs, a fine club with a rich history, littered with trophies, have (over the last 25 years) been the ultimate 'almost' club. Almost, in that they almost get the decisions right.

Quashie - Crap

Spurs were right to dispense with Harry if they seriously harboured ambitions of winning major trophies. Harry gets players motivated, and knows a good player when he sees one, but tactically he is weak. He generally has one plan and sticks with it. Spurs fell away badly last year and Harry did nothing to change this.  At Portsmouth and West Ham he never nailed the away from home tactics and at Southampton he did nothing to change a rapidly declining squad, (well apart from singing Nigel Quashie which obviously helped massively!). Harry will generally improve a squad, but I have severe doubts that he would ever be able to consistently come up with the tactics needed to win the Premier League. The Cup semi final defeats to Chelsea and Portsmouth suggested that when the big games come, Harry gets it wrong. As a Spurs fan said to me, "When Plan A works it is brilliant, but there is no Plan B."

Having made what must have been a fairly difficult decision to get rid of a popular and relatively successful manager, Daniel Levy was smart enough to know what Spurs needed. A manager with a deep tactical understanding of the game. Seemingly they have been suckered by AVB's talk.


There is a difference between being tactically astute and having tactics for the sake of it. AVB gives the impression to me of a man who needs to prove how much he understands the game. "I know, we are 1-0 down to Wigan. Martinez will be expecting me to throw an extra striker on, so what I'll do is take Defoe off, then I will have completely out thought him..." All this comes down to the fact that AVB has had too much, too soon. One successful season at Porto does not make a brilliant manager. Any of us would be able to finish in the top 3 of the Portuguese league with 7 or 8 Brazilians in the team! Call me old fashioned but I like to see a manager serve an apprenticeship. At the age of 35 you shouldn't have managed 3 massive clubs.
You should be at a small club learning your trade.

Ossie - It should have been perfect

It's not the first time Spurs have so nearly got it right. After Alan Sugar and Terry Venables fell out, appointing Ossie Ardiles and buying a load of attacking players should have been brilliant, but someone forgot to ask Ossie if he understood anything about defending.

In 1997, Spurs decided that they needed a European coach. I maintain to this day that this was absolutely the right decision. If, in 1997, they had appointed the right man, Spurs could have made the massive leap forward that Arsenal did. Instead of going for someone with experience in a major European league though, they went for Christian Gross. Undoubtably a good manager, but without the necessary weight of achievement behind him to gain respect from big name players.

Then there was Juande Ramos............

Villas-Boas seems like a decent bloke, and I hope he is given some time to prove himself. It was not his fault that Modric had his heart set on Madrid or that Scott Parker has been injured. The problem is that he is already seen as a man who makes baffling decisions. Supporters are already on his back. It seems to me  that this has all the makings of another great 'So close to perfect' moment for Spurs.

First Round Fever

I've come down with a serious case of First Round Fever! I've always loved the Cup, and particularly rounds 1-3, but the presence of my local club in the First Round proper (for the first time since 1989) has made this year a bit special. Then throw into the mix the fact that they have a home tie against the club I used to work for, and you begin to understand why I am looking forward to Sunday as much as any game that I can remember!

Towner celebrates at Ninian - 1989

Having read the match reports about Gloucester City's valiant draw at Ninian Park in 1989 in the local paper, (Towner pulled the Bluebirds defence all over the place!!), I remember not being allowed to go to the replay. My dad probably (rightly) assumed there would be trouble. After a narrow home defeat, I remember thinking that it wouldn't be long until City were back in the First Round.  I guess in the long term I was right.. 23 years isn't that long a time!

The fact the tie is against Orient is great for me. I spent 3 largely happy years working for the Orient Community department, coinciding with a successful promotion campaign, ground expansion and a decent cup run. They day after I went to Craven Cottage to see the O's knock Fulham out of the cup, I was able to have a chat with Martin Ling in the Brisbane Road reception! Whilst at Orient I was able to get a real insight into just how a lower division club works.

Money is everything, and with a core fan base of about 5000, home games at best cover expenses and will quite often make a loss. I remember a Johnstone Paints tie against Yeovil when there were only 800 people inside the stadium, meaning the club will have lost a hatful of cash staging the game. With a businessman like Barry Hearn at the helm though, the stadium could be put to decent revenue earning use on weekdays. As well as the more usual business meetings etc, several televised poker tournaments took place beneath the South Stand.  My favourite day at work took place just before the 2006 World Cup, when I happened to wander into the West Stand Gallery to be met by 20 page 3 models shooting pictures! Added to this, Leyton Orient were probably the first sports club in history to rent out space in the stadium to the NHS.

Craig Easton celebrates his goal v Fulham in 2006. (I was there!)

Things were always slightly unique. The Community Programme is bigger than those at Arsenal, Spurs and West Ham and something that the club should be rightly proud to be associated with. The youth section taught children to play football in the right way, and had a very strict policy regarding overly aggressive parents, something that a lot of other clubs should look at. A lot of what the club did was incredibly professional, but when the chief executive left he was replaced by the media guy, who's only qualification for the job was that he was Mr Hearn's pal!

If this game had happened in 2010 I would still have been slightly torn between who to support, I have still seen Orient play more times this century than I have Gloucester City. Sadly though,  not a single player or member of the 1st team coaching staff remains from my time there. Proof positive of the perils of being a lower division player. Think about that the next time you are hurling abuse at a guy in March / April. He might be coming to the end of his contract and panicking somewhat.

I am grateful to the O's, and I still look out for their results, but I really hope Gloucester City stick it to them on Sunday.

A Premier League XI

In this age of wall to wall football on TV, I think it’s always good to reflect on the players who you have enjoyed watching. Careers go by in a flash even when football is on TV everyday. In my mind the greatest players ever will be the ones who played when I was a kid. It’s only natural. Now that I have my own little boy, I can’t wait to find out who he will admire.  Different people find beauty in different aspects of the game.  I’m more of a lover of a crunching tackle and funny own goal than watching Arsenal in full flow. I have more interest in the relegation battle than the Champions League. I enjoy skilful play, but usually if it is produced by a flawed genius wasting his talents at a club beneath his ability.

So many people have done Greatest Premier League XI’s that they can be a little dull as teams of megastars are hastily cobbled together with discussion based on whether Bergkamp or Rooney should partner Henry. I say this as a warning to you all because I have taken absolutely no pleasure from the careers of Rio Ferdinand or John Terry. My greatest Premier League team won’t have Lampard, Gerrard, Rooney or Henry!  It is a team unique to me, full of people that I enjoyed watching.

Qualification for my team is based on two principles.

1. Players must have completed a season in the Premier League.

2. Players can’t have a Premier League winners medal.

Formation: (4-4-2 obviously)

Oggy – A king amongst keepers

Goalkeeper: Steve Ogrizovic – My theory on goalkeepers is simple. You need a big, fearless, terrifying brute of a man in goal. If I was to suddenly become Dr Frankenstein and be required to build my own goalkeeper,  I would simply copy Steve Ogrizovic. Playing behind a defence that was invariably useless, Oggy managed to keep the Sky Blues safe from relegation year after year. He had all the skills required by a top keeper, good shot stopping, command of the area etc, but the thing that really stood out for me was his bravery. I remember watching him play in a game at Highbury where he broke his nose (for about the 20th time). The physio ran on with a bit of ice and a towel, Oggy wiped away the blood and then took his position to defend the corner. There are various reasons for the sad demise of Coventry City, but the lack of Steve Ogrizovic in goal probably played a part too.

Defence: Rob Jones, Gary Mabbutt, Phillipe Albert, Stuart Pearce

Rob Jones was the kind of right back I like. His game was based on consistency and reliability, until injury started to ravage him. The best fact about Rob Jones was that he didn’t score in 185 games for Liverpool. Quite right too. Right backs shouldn’t be scoring, unless they have a Ray Stewart like ability from the spot. Admittedly I do have some slight concerns over his ability when things get tough, because instead of choosing to fight Andy Melville for the Welsh shirt, he took the easy option of playing for England!

Gary Mabbutt

Gary Mabbutt represents the good old days when players playing 400+ league games for a club was still fairly common. Mabbutt overcame both diabetes and a lack of height to become one of the best defenders in the top flight. He was the type of whole hearted centre half that John Terry likes to think he is. Mabbutt’s ability to read the game meant that he could deal with taller forwards quite comfortably, and time spent in midfield earlier in his career enabled him to be comfortable on the ball too. He would be my captain too. He was a player who commanded respect automatically, without feeling the need to shout at referees or settle petty fallouts with career ending tackles. Gary Mabbutt would have done anything to get success for Spurs, and when they did get some silverware you could see how much it meant. I don’t think a captain has ever hoisted the FA Cup for as long as he did in 1991!

I can’t even remember if Philippe Albert was a brilliant defender or not now. I know he played alongside Darren Peacock and the team still did OK, so that would suggest that he must have been amazing. . I don’t recall Newcastle doing much defending at all at the time, but he represented Belgium in the World Cup, so I’m just going to assume he was a competent defender.  He gets in my team for two reasons: That chip over Peter Schmeichel, and his brilliant Rupert the Bear song by the Newcastle fans!

Stuart Pearce needs no introduction to anyone. Largely seen as a hero to England fans for his slightly scary celebration after banishing his shoot out demons, he is respected by me for a small incident towards the end of his career. Winding down his career at West Ham he went in for a typically combative challenge. He ended up injured and marched off the pitch by the medical staff despite insisting he could play on. I can still imagine the conversation now…. Pearce “It’s ok, I’ll run it off”, Physio ” Stuart, you have broken your leg.”

Midfield: Ruel Fox, Matthew Le Tissier, Barry Horne, David Ginola

Ruel Fox models THAT Norwich shirt!

I’ve always been a fan of having two genuine wide men in the team. This stems from my own playing days as a wide man (not anymore as my legs have gone and I trot about doing a Makelele!), and a love of Chris Waddle in the pre Premier League days. Ruel Fox was a fast, tricky winger, with the ability to deliver quality crosses and chip in with the occasional goal or two. His best performances came in a Norwich shirt, (as part of the team that challenged for the title in 92/93) and it is this stage of his career that  I remember so fondly.

Matthew Le Tissier was a footballing genius. He must have been, because I despise his club with the type of unique hatred that only occurs in sport and, from what I’ve seen on TV, I don’t particularly like him as a person either. Yet despite all of this, between 1992 and 1996 I would always watch Southampton play, because he would always do something out of the ordinary. Infact, for 2 seasons he single handedly kept his team up, allowing Francis Benali another undeserved season in the top flight. For anyone not old enough to remember, search the internet for his goals against Newcastle and Blackburn.

I’d stick David Ginola on the left, like Spurs did in the late 90′s (Remember when he ripped through the Barnsley defence in 99?). You know with Ginola that you will get mistakes, sulks and petulance but when he was good he was unplayable. You know that he won’t give an easy pass if he could beat 2 men first before giving the pass. All of these little flaws are worth it though because he was great to watch.  Cruyff called him the best player in the World and he won the PFA Player of the Year award when playing for a fairly average Spurs.  I’m sure I remember one game for Spurs, v Liverpool, when Ginola became so frustrated with his teammates that he just didn’t pass them the ball. Unsurprisingly, the Frenchman scored and Spurs got a draw.

My midfield is fairly lightweight, and the three players selected so far need someone with no attacking mindset. They need someone to win the ball for them. As a former captain of my national team I can forgive Barry Horne for a certain career move he made because of the talent he had for a particular aspect of the game. Unbelievably, for a man with a first class degree in Chemistry, Horne was one of the toughest tacklers to ever play in the Premier League. Tackling is a skill that is slowly leaving the game, but I maintain that a beautifully timed crunching tackle is as pleasing on the eye as anything Cristiano Ronaldo can do. Any team needs someone to win the ball, and Barry Horne was truly superb at doing that.

Attack:  Duncan Ferguson, Gianfranco Zola

Big Dunc in standard pumped up mode

To me, the pairing up front should always be a big man /little man combination. Whether these two could have actually formed a working partnership I don’t know, but in theory they would be an absolute nightmare to defend against. Big Dunc is probably most well known for getting sent to jail for his behaviour on the pitch, but ask any Evertonian and they will tell you that the big man could play. 69 Premier League goals in a career ravaged by numerous injuries suggests he could. Always seen as the hard man of the game, this detracts from his skills with the ball,where he was superb in the air and holding the ball up, and a decent goals / game ratio.. Yes, he would get sent off every now and again, but the plus points outweigh that.

Upfront with the archetypal big man is the greatest little man. Zola was a brilliant player to watch. My words are not good enough to do him justice. I shall simply say backheel volley v Norwich, because that is enough!

Ian Marshall, Peter Ndlovu and Bryan Gunn can sit on the (3 subs only) bench.

QPR - The Journeymen Galacticos?

 The panic that seems to be building up over Loftus Road may ensure that yet more faces arrive in West London before the end of the transfer window. The desperate European wide phonecall has been answered this time by Ricardo Carvalho. He'll probably do a job for a season, and if Rangers stay up at the end of the season Mark Hughes will say it was a decision well made. Personally, I'm not sure that bringing in journeymen old pros is the answer. I wonder if Yakubu will turn up at Loftus Road in January?

There is another way. I have long since held the belief that the difference between a low end Premier League player and a League 1 / 2 player is very very small. In fact, the only real difference between someone playing for Wigan or QPR and someone playing for Northampton is luck. We all wanted to be footballers, and  lets face it,  the reason why we write blogs is because we weren't good enough. Players playing in the Football League have an extraordinary amount of ability. They have to to be where they are. The only real difference between an ineffective Premier League player (lets say, for example, the recently sold Wigan man Connor Sammon) and a League 2 player (eg. Shaun Harrad) is their bank balance.

This weekend, various Premiership squads will contain players who have turned out for Rotherham United, Rochdale, Barnet, Bristol Rovers, Lincoln City,  Bromley, Southend United and Queen of the South.  Grant Holt scored goals in League 2, League 1 and the Championship. Guess what - he scored in the Premier League too, and I would imagine that Roy Hodgson gave him quite a bit of thought too. I fully expect Adam Le Fondre and Rickie Lambert to score in the Premier League. Their track record says they have scored wherever they have been.

Lower end Premier League clubs need to look at the lower divisions. Not all of the answers are there, but there are a lot of good players who could thrive in the Premier League environment. What's more, players who have worked their way up through the leagues will never lack effort. Does Djibril Cisse really care about QPR? Maybe he does, but probably not as much as Shaun Derry or Jamie Mackie, who have finally made it to the top.

Cisse - 'The Money's Good!'

The clubs have got lazy. It is too easy to bring an established player in on a free. They don't require coaching. They might not have elements of their technique that need a little bit of work. But they won't be hungry. Supporters will soon moan that so and so doesn't work hard enough, and the players know, that if the team is relegated they can move on a free to someone else. Lower division players might take a few months of coaching, but if you put the effort in they will give everything for their club. You just need to invest time. Time in your scouting to find the right player and time in your coaching of the player.

Swansea and Norwich were great to watch last season, Blackpool the season before that. Southampton and Reading will play good stuff this season. Squads made of players who have served their time in the lower leagues, will entertain crowds and get results. I bet you don't hear their fans moaning either. They might get relegated, but from each squad 4 or 5 players will prove themselves to be more than capable of playing in the Premier League.

If it comes down to it, I would fancy Reading or Southampton to beat QPR in a relegation run in. Squads with togetherness, with players who have worked for their entire careers to get where they are are going to find the extra grit required. Will QPR's squad really be able to grind out results?

Put it this way:

Rickie Lambert or Djibril Cisse to score more goals this season? I know who my money would be on.

5 Funniest Premier League Goals

I'm not a massive fan of the Premier League. These days I prefer to find my entertainment deep in the underworld of British football. It wasn't always the case though.  There was a time that I used to watch everything that happened in the top division. With the new season just underway, I have decided to list the Top 5 goals that made me laugh. No flowing moves here. No 30 yard thunderbolts. No technique, no skill, no style. Just humour!

5: Jason Cundy - Ipswich v Spurs 1993

Jason Cundy, moments before his goal at Portman Road

Jason Cundy is a player who I can admire. Most players, outside the top few clubs, have one defining moment in their career. One moment that they are remembered by. One winners medal, one crucial goal, one mistake, or, in the case of Steve Morrow, one ill advised trip on Tony Adams' shoulders. Jason Cundy's moment was at Portman Road. With the ball bobbling about somewhere near the half way line Cundy slid in to win a 50/50, only to find that the Ipswich player hadn't committed himself to the challenge. As our man smashed into the empty space the ball left his right boot and flew 50 yards into the top corner of the net, over Craig Forrest who had been stood 5 yards from his line.  Jason Cundy was a very good footballer, he must have been to have played for Spurs and Chelsea, but I love the fact that the only thing anyone can remember about his career was a complete fluke of a goal! I wish I could remember who the Ipswich player was, because I bet he got one hell of a rocket from John Lyall.

4: Tomas Brolin - Sheffield Wednesday v Leeds Utd 1995

Tomas Brolin - Running?

Tomas Brolin is destined to forever be shown on the BBC whenever England play Sweden. He was an excellent player, but his reputation amongst fans in Britain is severely tarnished by his little spell at Elland Road. During one of the, seemingly few, moments when he wasn't gorging himself on fast food he managed to produce one of my all time favourite goals. With the ball bouncing around inside the 6 yard box, Brolin and Wednesday keeper Kevin Pressman challenge for the ball. Pressman punches it onto the Swede who is knocked over and ends up lying on the floor in the 6 yard box. The ball trickles towards the net, but, luckily for The Owls, the centre half has seen the danger and is in a great position to save the day. Unfortunately the defender chose to smash the ball straight into Brolin's head (as he lay on the floor) and then had to watch as it rebounded straight into the unguarded net. For me, that goal is the equal to anything Lionel Messi has ever done. Glorious.

3: Peter Reid (OG) - Manchester City v Middlesbrough 1992

Garry Flitcroft

For those of us of a certain age, (generally between 26 and 50) watching Manchester City win every week is still a strange phenomenon. We were brought up with City being the team to watch to see other people getting put through it. No greater example of this than in the very first season of the Premier League, when a particularly poor relegation destined Middlesbrough took all three points from Maine Road. The crucial moment of the game followed some brilliant last ditch defending by Terry Phelan. This is what makes the goal so brilliant and so typically early 90's Manchester City. They'd got themselves out of trouble and conceded a corner. A chance to regroup and put into practice their training. Middlesbrough overhit the corner, to the extent that it is probably going out for a goal kick, in an area where there isn't a single Boro body. Probably panicking as he was a young player, Flitcroft decides not to let the ball go out but instead he chooses to wallop the ball as far away as possible.  Sadly he sliced his clearance and ended up smashing it into Peter Reid stood about  2 metres away from him, with the ball bouncing inevitably into the net. The lesson for all youngsters became clear from the fuming look Reid threw at Flitcroft. If you are going to make an arse out of yourself infront of thousands of people, don't involve the player manager!

2. Gary Ablett (OG) - Everton v Wimbledon 1994

Ablett mobs 2 goal Graham Stuart at fulltime

The funniest moments are nearly always linked with great drama and tension. So a comical goal in a stadium racked with anxiety is always brilliant to the rest of us. Unlike Jason Cundy, the late Gary Ablett had plenty of moments of fame. Infact only a year after this goal he was collecting another winners medal, becoming the only man to win the FA Cup with Liverpool and Everton. It doesn't make this goal any less amusing though!  Being the seasoned pro that he was, Ablett didn't pick a meaningless mid season game, he chose the last game of the season when all eyes were on Goodison. Everton were a mess in 1994, but had somehow managed to not be relegated. Victory against Wimbledon could save them, if Sheffield Utd lost at Stamford Bridge. Starting like a Sunday League team who had suddenly been thrown into the Premier League,  Everton were behind after 4 minutes when Dean Holdsworth scored a penalty. 40,000 people (and 32 in the away end) sensed relegation. Then came the moment that is etched in my memory. Unsurprisingly a long ball caused havoc. Unsworth and Watson collided with each other, Big Nev came flying off his line and Andy Clarke mis hit a shot across the six yard box. Ablett in attempting to clear (under no pressure) sliced the ball viciously into his own goal and then fell over ending up as a crumpled mess in the net.  20 minutes in. 0-2 down. Relegation seemed a certainty. Maybe if Graham Stuart and Barry Horne hadn't mounted the great comeback this goal wouldn't have been so funny. Thankfully they did.

1. Olaf Mellberg & PeterEnkleman - Birmingham City v Aston Villa - 2002

Enkleman contemplates his mistake, whilst thousands of Blues fans tell him not to worry!

There's a reason why certain players play in goal. It's so they can use their hands. Peter Enkleman chose the Birmingham derby, infront of thousands of pumped up Blues fans, as the perfect place to prove that keepers have no touch! 10 seconds of utter joy for anyone who doesn't support the Villa. Ball thrown back to him, no control, 5000 Birmingham fans making gestures behind his head! Perfection. That's why I love football. Made even better by the fact that the goal probably shouldn't have stood, but the ref understood that this goal was too beautiful to chalk off.

Like anything, this is a personal list. There have been hundreds of funny goals. Think about it yourself for a while. Forget the skill and embrace the humour!

A Season of Soul Searching

It's time for the smell of paint to waft across the pitch and all those other cliches as the new season is finally here. For me though, this is genuinely more exciting than normal as I look forward to spending the next 10 months watching the Welsh Premier League. I am searching for the soul of football.

Back in the day when the sport first captivated me football was a simple game. Top players could tackle. Goalkeepers didn't fall over if someone breathed on them. Chants from the terraces had an element of wit about them. The radio wasn't full of idiots spouting their non sensical opinions. (How long after Saturday's game until we hear a fan calling in to a radio station and calling for the manager to go? I reckon it will be the third caller!) In fact the wall to wall football coverage is damaging the game in my opinion, as more and more people sit on their sofas watching 'The Best League in the World' instead of playing themselves, or actually going to watch a match.

I'll always love football, but I honestly think that I can cope without seeing the megastars. Top level football is beginning to resemble WWE wrestling to me. It's skilful, entertaining and extremely popular, but it doesn't resemble real life. The players live in a bubble. They don't care about the team. Last season Adebayor may have kissed the cockerel, but he's already kissed the Cannon and the Eagle. When Graham Roberts or Steve Perryman played, they did it for the club as well as themselves. They cared.  It's also often extraordinarily predictable. Would there be less of a crowd at Old Trafford if it was actually decided beforehand that Utd would win 4-1? I doubt it.

I'm not knocking people who like watching the Premiership, I'm just saying it's not for me anymore. I'm more of a Greco-Roman Wrestling man rather than WWE. I like my sport a bit grittier, and less predictable. Normally I find my interest satisfied by the lower levels of the football league, but news of players in League 1 on 15 / 20k per week has ruined that. Certain negative memories of my time working for a then League 2 club also come flooding back. At least the players in the English Premier League are really 'big time'!!

Ronnie Corbett Launches the WPL.

I was meant to pick a WPL team to support for the season, but, in one of the greatest cop outs of all time, I will be following both Bala Town and Carmarthen Town. The 2 clubs could not have been more friendly. Both have printed me in their matchday programmes, even though I am just a random stranger! They reply to tweets and e-mails too, which is great, and helps me to keep intouch with what is going on. They league itself  showed an extraordinary sense of humour by getting Ronnie Corbett to help with the launch. (Corbett Sports Welsh Premier League in case you were wondering) I have underlying reasons for picking the WPL, but I imagine the same is true for all non league clubs, especially those below the Conference.

I urge you all to give a non league club a go. I'm not saying stop supporting your team, but why not pick a local non league team and give them a chance? You won't be being unfaithful. It's like following a completely different sport. It's like football used to be. For alot of you, that may not be a good thing, but for me it's perfect!

Bring on the season!

Aaarrrggghhh - It's not difficult.

I'm not one of those Welsh people who hate England. I can't really. England has given me a home, an education, a load of friends, a job and a wife! I don't have an inclination towards hatred.  Don't get me wrong, I love good old fashioned banter and in sport, beating England is always better than beating anyone else. I was at Twickenham this year when we won the Triple Crown. Even at the age of 32, I still found it necessary to leap around like an idiot and passionately hug a man I have never seen before or since!!

During the Olympics we are all supposed to come together as British to support our athletes. I have always found this relatively easy. I love the British Lions tours in rugby. I care not that Bradley Wiggins is English, Dai Greene is Welsh or Heather Stanning is Scottish. The important thing is they are not American or Australian! The GB football team is a different matter though.

Divisions are being caused that need not be caused. We all know that the FAW did not support the team, but the 5 Welsh players in the squad individually chose to take part. I don't have a problem with this. The FAW have done what they think they have to do to maintain their position within FIFA. The players, not being blessed with the knowledge of certain qualification for any tournament, have done what they feel is right for them. Many Welsh people don't support the team, but sensibly most of them just pay no attention to the games.

Joe Allen - Welsh and British BBC!

Divisions are being caused by the media. The obsession about the Welsh players not singing God Save The Queen is ridiculous. Yes, God Save The Queen is the official anthem of Great Britain, but all of the time that it is used as the anthem for English sporting teams, no Welsh / Scot / Northern Irishman / woman will sing it. It is not the end of the world! According to certain journalists though, the Welsh players are a disgrace. This is pathetic, weak journalism. Save your anger for the convicted drugs cheats who will be running in the 100m, not for players who are representing their team with skill and passion. What makes the whole thing all the more laughable is that the England football team don't all sing their anthem, and the players who are being vilified, with the exception of Joe Allen, don't even sing the Welsh anthem. Singing is a personal thing. Some players use it to motivate themselves, others don't. It doesn't matter.

I have watched the games, more out of curiosity than of any great passion for the team. On each occasion at least one member of the BBC commentary / presenting team has referred to the team as England. So, that is the British Broadcasting Corporation forgetting that this team represents Great Britain. It is bad enough when the Americans get this wrong, but it is unforgivable for the BBC. This is the broadcasting equivalent of the people who go to Spain on holiday and shout English slowly to communicate with the locals. It is embarrassing.

Why does football have this problem? The swimming / athletics / hockey commentators have no problem in differentiating between GB teams and separate home nation teams. The problem comes from the fact that BBC football offers 'jobs for the boys'. Employment is based on who you are or who you know, not how good you are. There is no other reason for the continual presence of Crooks and Jonathan Pearce. We pay for these clowns through our licence fee. Can some of that money please be spent on sending them to Geography and History lessons.

Education. You can't knock it.

Stand Up For The Little Man

Welsh Champions TNS

TNS put in a great performance tonight, drawing 0-0 with the Swedish treble winners Helsingborgs, dominating the first half into the bargain. All the more decent a result when you consider the difference in rankings between the 2 teams and the fact that Helsingborgs are halfway through their season. TNS noticably tired in the last 20 after dominating the first hour, whilst Helsingborgs were able to grab a way into the game without their play really meriting it.




It led me to think about the inherent unfairness of the Champions League qualifiers. For a club like TNS getting through one round could make them enough cash to last the season or longer, yet, because of the seeding systems in place they are likely to always play a higher ranked team in the second round.  Seedings are here to stay, that's never going to change. UEFA don't want a Jeunesse Esch battling their way through a couple of rounds and then getting smashed by an Arsenal or Atletico Madrid, as this would probably show in vivid detail to the world the fact that the Champions League is extraordinarily dull between the 3rd Qualifying round and the last 16.

What's unfair for teams like TNS and Linfield is the fact that at the very beginning of their pre season training, they have to play higher ranked teams from Sweden, Finland, Norway who are right in the middle of theirs.
UEFA has to find a way around this. It is unfair that the smallest teams (who are usually from a country playing a Aug-May season) don't get to play when they are match fit.  If the Champions League starts in early October, the early rounds could all be played in August and September, and still be finished by early December when the Scandanavian / Russian seasons have just finished.

Alternatively, why not have a little group stage. TNS, Linfield, Limassol, and Helsingborgs could play each other, and the winner gets the opportunity to get their pants pulled down by Arsenal. It would actually take less time to do this than the current situation does. Smaller clubs would be more likely to be match fit, and by playing a few more teams they may be able to improve the standard of their own play.

Of course, no-one really cares about any of the little clubs. It is just a routine that the hierarchy have to put up with before their beloved big clubs can join in. I don't comment too much on European competition. It is largely irrelevant to the clubs I follow, but I don't think the current situation is particularly fair. Don't worry UEFA, TNS and Linfield won't ever get anywhere near your little group stage money making party.

The Case For Bala -

On the face of it, the case for me choosing to follow Bala Town is less obvious as I have no family connection to the area, but there are certain aspects that make Bala unique!

Founded sometime in the 1880's they are a much older club than Carmarthen, but they didn't achieve promotion to the WPL until 2009. In their first 2 seasons in the top division Bala could have been relegated, but were let off by the fact that the teams who would have been promoted did not reach the required criteria to play in the WPL. Since then there has been a dramatic improvement in fortune for the club. They finished in the top 6 last season, qualifying for the Championship play offs when the league split. Infact, they finished one game away from Europe, when a final game defeat at Llanelli stopped them from competing in the same competition as Liverpool and Spurs.

Bala are a club that is constantly moving up. 10 years ago they were playing in the Welsh League (Wrexham area). A series of promotions and cup wins later and they have finished as the 5th best team in the Welsh football pyramid. The only team that I can think of to compare this sort of rapid promotion with is Wimbledon. It represents a fantastic achievement to go from being not much more than a standard Saturday team that you or I could turn up to play for, to becoming a decent semi professional team. I admire this sort of thing. Ambition is great. Too often clubs are laughed at for dreaming, but if a club is run correctly dreams can happen in reality. If they keep moving upwards in the next 12 months, following them could be a lot of fun!

Maes Tegid

Bala remind me of a local team who I have a lot of time for, Forest Green Rovers. Not only because of a series of promotions from a very low level to becoming a respected club at a much higher level, but also because of the fact that they are small town teams. According to the 2001 census, 1980 people live in Bala. They can get 400 / 500 people watching a game. Bearing in mind that people are not likely to travel a long way to support them, this could represent 25% of the local population supporting their team. It suggests to me that there is a real spirit of community about the club. That the players are seen as representatives of the town, and that the people of the town are right behind the players when they stick the shirt on. This appeals massively to me, as it is how I used to feel about my local rugby team.

Where I may have concerns about Bala it is in the way that they are funded. A couple of people have suggested that they have a principle backer who bankrolls them, enabling their continuous improvement. If this is true, it raises a problem. Part of the reason I have become so disillusioned with professional football is because of the game becoming less of a sport and more of a rich mans plaything. Even at the lower levels, Macclesfields are gradually being replaced by Fleetwoods, Herefords by Crawleys. I admire ambition, but only if it is through a gradual growth and that the club is sustainable in its own right. This will need a bit of research to see if it is true. I love the little team punching above it's weight if it is done properly.

Bala do apparently have a reputation for getting the ball down and playing. This ties in nicely with my belief of how football should be played. Premier League to Sunday League I believe a football is made to travel predominantly on the floor. Sport wise there is nothing so upsetting as watching 9 / 10 year olds lumping channel balls on a Saturday morning. If Bala play the right way it will definitely tempt me.. 

Another positive in Bala's favour is the fact that Mid / North Wales is my favourite place on Earth! Picking Bala would give me an excuse to spend the occasional weekend sat by Llyn Tegid.  Another plus side is that, according to the census, Bala has one of the highest percentage of Welsh speakers in the country. This would give me a great chance to practice, even if they do say milk in a funny way!!

Bala are said to be a friendly club, they certainly replied to my weird tweets and humoured my grammatically non-sensical Welsh. Both Bala and Carmarthen have replied to my messages and I am left in the odd position of feeling that both teams actually want me to follow them, even though I am a total stranger to them. I can't remember ever thinking that my League 1 team wanted me to support  them, they just take my love for granted!


I'd welcome the views of any Bala supporter.. Feel free to leave a message, it might help me make a decision!!

The Case For Carmarthen - The Everton of the WPL?.. Yr achos dros Caerfyrddin - y Everton Cymru?

Checking through my Twitter timeline yesterday I noticed that both Bala and Carmarthen were underway with their pre season friendlies. There is only a month until the season starts, and I need to make a decision on which team I will give my support to. For those with any interest,  Bala ventured into England and beat the magnificently named Glossop North End 1-0. Carmarthen gave the entire squad a run by playing 2 games on the same day, beating the once mighty Barry Town 2-3 in the morning, and then dispatching West End 2-4 in the afternoon. I'm massively impressed by the commitment of one D.Thomas who played in both games for Carmarthen!

I need to consider both clubs in detail and hope that after this an obvious decision comes forward. So here is the case for Carmarthen Town.

Founded in 1948, the Old Gold reached the WPL in 1996, just 4 seasons after it was formed. They can then, justifiably, claim to be an established WPL club. Their presence in the league is something that can be almost guaranteed. To make a weak comparison they are an Everton. Always in the top flight, with occasional forays into Europe mixed with intermittent relegation fights. By the looks of it, what you can guarantee with Carmarthen is an interesting season. There could be cup glory, there could be relegation. On the face of it, this is exactly the sort of team I am after. I have never followed a team in any sport that were nailed on for success. The fact that I can't predict where they will finish is a massive plus point. 

Looking at the squad on the clubs website, I don't immediately recognise any of the players, but I do know the manager. Mark Aizlewood is a player I remember from his Charlton days. I remember his sticker in my Panini Football 87 album, and a player I remember representing my country with pride and passion. This could be important, having someone who I respected as a player when I was young in charge could tip the balance. I am, after all, trying to find the love for football I had as a 6 year old!

A quick look on Wikipedia brought bad news though. Standing out from the squad list was the name J.Alsop. A man who largely made his name at the detested (by me) Cheltenham Town, and who then, as a senior pro at Oxford, at best bullied a youth trainee and at worst did something untoward with a banana. The truth of that will never be known, but Alsop took a 4 month ban for whatever did happen. The fact that this ban was not fought by the player suggests he was guilty of something.  It led me to the conclusion that I could probably get over the dressing room misbehaviour, but I'm not sure that I could forgive the crime of playing for Cheltenham. On the plus side, he is nearly 40 and may well not be playing in 2012/13!  Lets hope so!!

Richmond Park - Carmarthen

I'm reliably informed by Mr A.Nonymous, posting on my blog, that the club itself is a well run community club, with large amounts of volunteers helping out. As I work in community sport myself, this is important for me. I'm also impressed with the facilities on offer at Parc Waun Dew. The new stand is impressive, and suitable for European competition, meaning that, unlike many WPL clubs, they won't have to borrow a stadium if they do qualify for the UEFA Cup (I will never accept the Europa League!). This suggests a board with a long term vision for stability, a crucial thing at this level of sport.

Finally, there is the personal aspect of it. Although I've always lived on the wrong side of the bridge (apart from my 3 years at University in Wales), my family come from Pembury & Burry Port, about 15 miles away from Carmarthen. I am also trying to learn Southern Welsh, not Northern, so I should, in theory, be able to practice my learning a bit better if I was to visit Carmarthen.

I hope I've done the club justice here. There are several reasons for me to choose Carmarthen Town, but as I now move on to consider Bala, I know there will be good reasons to follow them too! Being decisive does not come easily to me! Carmathen fans, I'd appreciate your views!!

1 From 2 to Save My Love of Football!

I had a bit of a stinker of a season in 2011/12. I don't mean when playing as I've already reached the age when basic competence is the only thing I aim for when I stick the boots on! I had a stinker of a supporting season. The club I've supported since my youth barely still exist. I don't actually care if they win or lose at the moment. I'm just happy with each week that the club is still there.

My adopted second team bombed in the League 2 play offs, and the only game I went to see them play resulted in the 3-0 humping that lost them top spot and ended a long unbeaten run.

The Premiership ceased to interest me when clubs lost a grip on reality. This was round about the time that Charlton sacked Alan Curbishley because the fans believed he had taken them as far as he could. Remind me how that one worked out...

Bala Town

I need something to re establish my love of football. Of the game, the most basic of sports, not the big business. As a Welshman, I have found the answer. The Welsh Premier League. It ties in with my attempts to learn the language that my grandparents spoke, and should enable me the opportunity to find the things that I loved about football in 1986, without having to put up with the things I hate about football in 2012. I need to see players who I know are playing for the love of the game. S4C online will let me watch a match each week, but just watching a match won't be enough. I need a team to follow, a team to invest my time into. I need players to relate to. I need players to love. I need players to moan about. I need a team!

Carmarthen Town

There are 12 teams in the WPL. TNS were ruled out straight away on the basis that picking them would be like being a kid who chooses Man Utd. They will be the team  I'm going to love to hate!  Bangor and Llanelli were not considered because they have fairly recently won the league. I then narrowed it down to 3 teams. Aberystwyth, Carmarthen or Bala. Ideal for me because I need to support the underdog, but there were other reasons too. Carmarthen represented the closest team to the roots of my family. Bala lake is in a stunning location that reminds me of many a holiday to North Wales. Aberystwyth because I had an amazing run of success in Football Manager!



With nothing to choose between the 3 I decided to tweet them all!
Within an hour Bala and Carmarthen had replied to me.. Sadly Aberystwyth are too late.  So I am left with a month to make a choice. Which team shall I entrust my sporting happiness with for the next year! The Lakesiders or The Old Gold. The decision must be made by the season's start!

Much research is in front of me, but I am already re-energised! I will never stop supporting my (now League 1) team, but the WPL might just save me from losing my high level of interest in football.

Farewell to the Great British Inferiority Complex?

At the age of 42 and after 35,000 first class runs Mark Ramprakash has retired from cricket. Often labelled as the most naturally gifted English batsmen of the past 25 years, the stats would seem to back up an enormous talent. 100 first class centuries, and a career average of 53. 52 test matches and 17 one day internationals. Man of the Match in the Nat West Trophy final at the age of 18. One of only 8 players to finish a season with an average above 100. The only man to have scored a century against all 18 current First Class counties. All of this suggests that today we should be celebrating the career of an all time great.

But we're not. In fact, unless you are a pretty dedicated sports fan you probably won't have even heard the news of his retirement. There is a very good reason for this. Mark Ramprakash is the human form of the British Inferiority complex. Something that has blighted us all for years as we watched our heroes miss a penalty, throw an interception, or get bowled out for 46, or throw a double fault in at match point.

Mark Ramprakash had all of the talent, but none of the necessary mental toughness to succeed. 2 centuries in 52 tests. Jonathan Trott has 7 centuries in 3 years.  He represents the failures of the past. He represents the 90's, when we had the worst cricket team in the world. He represents a time when anyone could come to Britain and embarrass us at sport. Personally he reminds me of Australian success after success after success.

Thankfully these days have passed now. Our batsmen enjoy creaming green and gold bowlers.  Our players go onto the pitch expecting to win. The last of the players who accepted defeat as part of the job has now gone. 


Enjoy your retirement Ramps. You are a thoroughly decent bloke, and were a damn fine player of county trundlers, but as an international you were probably the weakest character to represent these isles. We're not weak anymore.

Six Fours are Twenty Four

Last nights Spanish destruction of the Irish got me thinking..

Destroyed infront of millions.

The  Irish supporters generally didn't care about the stuffing that was handed to them as they knew that the Irish had done well to qualify in the first place. They based qualification on solid defending and hard work and it proved successful, but, as many clubs who have been promoted into the Premier League have found out over the years, it isn't enough when you come up against the best. Ireland were out of their depth against Croatia, so it was fairly obvious what was going to happen against Spain. Ireland are the weakest team in the tournament, but they qualified well and deserve the chance to compete against the best.

The point that I started thinking about was how this was the first one sided romp of what has been a very decent tournament so far. Yes, Germany took the Dutch apart at times, but Holland always had the players who could cause problems. Yes, Russia stuck 4 past the Czechs, but for 70 minutes it was still possible that the Czechs could get something from the game. From the moment that Torres put Spain in front yesterday, it was simply a case of how many (and what quality of) Spanish goals.

UEFA has decided that France 2016 should be a 24 team tournament, and the question I would ask is whether this will make the tournament better, or just longer (and more money spinning). How many other national teams that didn't qualify would do better than Ireland? Off the top of my head I can think of maybe 3 or 4, but they weren't good enough to qualify as one of the 16 best teams in Europe over the last 2 years, so they can't be that wonderful.

I am a passionate supporter of Wales. The move to 24 teams in theory gives us a better chance to qualify in 2016, (although we'd probably need at least a 32 team tournament to have a chance!) so I should be happy, but I wonder if it will just make the tournament worse.  What is so great about the Euros is the fact that there are no easy games. There's no North Korea for Portugal to play this time round. By increasing the number of teams, UEFA will increase the number of one sided matches.

I understand UEFA's point of view. This is their showpiece event. They want more matches. More importantly, they need to make sure that certain countries are there. They need England, Portugal and Italy at the tournament. They take thousands of fans, and have lucrative TV markets. The trouble is that those pesky little countries like Montenegro have shown that these big boys won't always be in a 16 team tournament. Isn't it better to have a team like England in the tournament because they deserve to be there, and not just because UEFA have made the tournament easier to qualify for? Euro 2008 wasn't a failure because Croatia and Russia qualified. Everyone in England still watched it!

If Wales qualify in 4 years, I'm sure I'll be delighted. But I fear that UEFA may have made a huge mistake. It will just lead to more pointless games and more predictable groups, before the 16 who would have qualified anyway progress into the second round. There may be a couple more exciting knockout games, but it will mean the end of groups containing Germany, Holland and Portugal. At the moment we have only 1 or 2 teams who have absolutely no chance of winning the tournament. All that will happen in 2016 is that we will have 9 or 10 teams who have no chance.

Ask yourself this, do we really need 8 more teams who aren't as good as this Ireland team?

I thought not.

A Short Video To Ease My Pain!

I have had pretty much the worst season possible. The only joy I may get is if my adopted second team can get promoted through the play offs. So, in order to ease my hurting soul I have created a video showing the goals / misses / players / matches and disasters that made me fall in love with football in the first place. Most of the pictures are of the actual moment that is lodged in my memory!  I'll be impressed if anyone can name all of them. Come On You Shrimpers!!!!!!!

My Cup Final Tears Are Drying...

Something has been missing from my football watching life for the past 20 years or so, but it is back. A genuine anticipation of the cup final. Already I can't wait to watch the match on May 19th. For those of us older than 30, who grew to love football before the 7 day a week coverage of the satellite era began, the cup final was an event, not a match. It started with the cup final songs, built up through FA Cup breakfast until, by 3.00,  the excitement was just like Christmas morning. The same teams weren't always in the final, there were stories galore about the players. Even now I can still remember that Micky Gynn was a postman! It didn't even matter that it was never my team in the final.

I can remember the last time I felt like this. It was May 18th 1991, shortly before Forest and Spurs played out the last final of a spell that gets my personal vote for the greatest period of the FA Cup (between 1986 and 1991).  Even when my team reached the final fairly recently, I just felt nerves and dread at what we might miss out on, rather than excitement.

1987, when the Cup Final was a big event.

To some extent I've fallen out of love with top level football now. I still love the lower division stuff, but usually now the cup final just means another bonus for millionaire players, and more bragging rights for glory seeking fans of the big teams. On top of that, with the exception of 2006, the game is usually awful. Whether this is purely down to the increased participation of Chelsea in the final recently is open to debate!  (It's worth considering though that between 2007-2011 there have been 7 goals in the final, and between 1987-1991 (not counting replays) there were 20.)

It has taken until 2012, but I have my Cup Final excitement back. I really don't care about Liverpool v Chelsea. I do care massively about events in Glasgow though. Heart of Midlothian v Hibernian. Everything a Cup Final should be. A local derby in the final. Two teams invading the national stadium for the biggest game in their lives. A player promising to strip off and run down Princes Street if his team win.  The supporters of the losing team will probably have to put up with merciless, painful reminders from their cross city rivals for the next 100 years. A city will be torn between total joy and tearful gut wrenching agony

Hibs v Hearts - Real Football?

Hibs fans have been waiting 116 years to right the 1896 final. They are probably the most patient fans in the history of football, having been waiting to win the cup for 110 years.  Waiting whilst Clyde, Morton, Airdrieonians, East Fife, Falkirk, St Mirren and Motherwell all had their days in the sun.

The league positions and head to head record show that Hearts have the better team and the history of more success. They can also draw on a fairly recent 4-0 smashing of their rivals at Hampden Park. Supporters will               remember 2 Cup Final successes in the last 15 years too.

As always, the Scottish Cup becomes interesting when Celtic and Rangers are watching on TV. I can't wait for this game, and I will be hoping that Hibs win. I have nothing against Hearts, but I think I may even shed a tear if I hear Sunshine on Leith being sung at full time. Football, I should never have doubted you.While I'm worth my room on this earth, I will be with you.