I'm not a massive fan of the Premier League. These days I prefer to find my entertainment deep in the underworld of British football. It wasn't always the case though. There was a time that I used to watch everything that happened in the top division. With the new season just underway, I have decided to list the Top 5 goals that made me laugh. No flowing moves here. No 30 yard thunderbolts. No technique, no skill, no style. Just humour!
5: Jason Cundy - Ipswich v Spurs 1993
- Jason Cundy, moments before his goal at Portman Road
Jason Cundy is a player who I can admire. Most players, outside the top few clubs, have one defining moment in their career. One moment that they are remembered by. One winners medal, one crucial goal, one mistake, or, in the case of Steve Morrow, one ill advised trip on Tony Adams' shoulders. Jason Cundy's moment was at Portman Road. With the ball bobbling about somewhere near the half way line Cundy slid in to win a 50/50, only to find that the Ipswich player hadn't committed himself to the challenge. As our man smashed into the empty space the ball left his right boot and flew 50 yards into the top corner of the net, over Craig Forrest who had been stood 5 yards from his line. Jason Cundy was a very good footballer, he must have been to have played for Spurs and Chelsea, but I love the fact that the only thing anyone can remember about his career was a complete fluke of a goal! I wish I could remember who the Ipswich player was, because I bet he got one hell of a rocket from John Lyall.
4: Tomas Brolin - Sheffield Wednesday v Leeds Utd 1995
- Tomas Brolin - Running?
Tomas Brolin is destined to forever be shown on the BBC whenever England play Sweden. He was an excellent player, but his reputation amongst fans in Britain is severely tarnished by his little spell at Elland Road. During one of the, seemingly few, moments when he wasn't gorging himself on fast food he managed to produce one of my all time favourite goals. With the ball bouncing around inside the 6 yard box, Brolin and Wednesday keeper Kevin Pressman challenge for the ball. Pressman punches it onto the Swede who is knocked over and ends up lying on the floor in the 6 yard box. The ball trickles towards the net, but, luckily for The Owls, the centre half has seen the danger and is in a great position to save the day. Unfortunately the defender chose to smash the ball straight into Brolin's head (as he lay on the floor) and then had to watch as it rebounded straight into the unguarded net. For me, that goal is the equal to anything Lionel Messi has ever done. Glorious.
3: Peter Reid (OG) - Manchester City v Middlesbrough 1992
- Garry Flitcroft
For those of us of a certain age, (generally between 26 and 50) watching Manchester City win every week is still a strange phenomenon. We were brought up with City being the team to watch to see other people getting put through it. No greater example of this than in the very first season of the Premier League, when a particularly poor relegation destined Middlesbrough took all three points from Maine Road. The crucial moment of the game followed some brilliant last ditch defending by Terry Phelan. This is what makes the goal so brilliant and so typically early 90's Manchester City. They'd got themselves out of trouble and conceded a corner. A chance to regroup and put into practice their training. Middlesbrough overhit the corner, to the extent that it is probably going out for a goal kick, in an area where there isn't a single Boro body. Probably panicking as he was a young player, Flitcroft decides not to let the ball go out but instead he chooses to wallop the ball as far away as possible. Sadly he sliced his clearance and ended up smashing it into Peter Reid stood about 2 metres away from him, with the ball bouncing inevitably into the net. The lesson for all youngsters became clear from the fuming look Reid threw at Flitcroft. If you are going to make an arse out of yourself infront of thousands of people, don't involve the player manager!
2. Gary Ablett (OG) - Everton v Wimbledon 1994
- Ablett mobs 2 goal Graham Stuart at fulltime
The funniest moments are nearly always linked with great drama and tension. So a comical goal in a stadium racked with anxiety is always brilliant to the rest of us. Unlike Jason Cundy, the late Gary Ablett had plenty of moments of fame. Infact only a year after this goal he was collecting another winners medal, becoming the only man to win the FA Cup with Liverpool and Everton. It doesn't make this goal any less amusing though! Being the seasoned pro that he was, Ablett didn't pick a meaningless mid season game, he chose the last game of the season when all eyes were on Goodison. Everton were a mess in 1994, but had somehow managed to not be relegated. Victory against Wimbledon could save them, if Sheffield Utd lost at Stamford Bridge. Starting like a Sunday League team who had suddenly been thrown into the Premier League, Everton were behind after 4 minutes when Dean Holdsworth scored a penalty. 40,000 people (and 32 in the away end) sensed relegation. Then came the moment that is etched in my memory. Unsurprisingly a long ball caused havoc. Unsworth and Watson collided with each other, Big Nev came flying off his line and Andy Clarke mis hit a shot across the six yard box. Ablett in attempting to clear (under no pressure) sliced the ball viciously into his own goal and then fell over ending up as a crumpled mess in the net. 20 minutes in. 0-2 down. Relegation seemed a certainty. Maybe if Graham Stuart and Barry Horne hadn't mounted the great comeback this goal wouldn't have been so funny. Thankfully they did.
1. Olaf Mellberg & PeterEnkleman - Birmingham City v Aston Villa - 2002
- Enkleman contemplates his mistake, whilst thousands of Blues fans tell him not to worry!
There's a reason why certain players play in goal. It's so they can use their hands. Peter Enkleman chose the Birmingham derby, infront of thousands of pumped up Blues fans, as the perfect place to prove that keepers have no touch! 10 seconds of utter joy for anyone who doesn't support the Villa. Ball thrown back to him, no control, 5000 Birmingham fans making gestures behind his head! Perfection. That's why I love football. Made even better by the fact that the goal probably shouldn't have stood, but the ref understood that this goal was too beautiful to chalk off.
Like anything, this is a personal list. There have been hundreds of funny goals. Think about it yourself for a while. Forget the skill and embrace the humour!
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