Is This The Greatest Own Goal Ever?
Wasting away 20 minutes yesterday watching Sky Sports News, the footage of this own goal was shown. It was one of those moments that made me whoop and clap my hands. It is truly a thing of beauty. Festus Baise, you deserve to go down in the history of sport as a great!
It got me thinking about own goals. They light up a game in a way that a Rooney overhead kick never could. We can all relate to the guy who arse's one into his own net in a way that we never could to the superstar players.
I've decided that I should list my favourite three own goals:
Gordon Chisholm - Norwich City 1-0 Sunderland - Milk Cup Final, 1985
Gordon Chisholm - From 1.30 onwards
This was one of the first games I can remember, which is probably why I hold it in such high esteem. On the face of it is an unlucky deflection past a wrong footed keeper, nothing unique in that and Gary Mabbutt's OG in the 1987 Cup Final is a much better looking (and cruel) effort.
Let's look at it in a bit more detail though and learn to love the inner beauty of this own goal. Firstly we need to examine the sheer feebleness of the defending by the ginger haired mullet wearing Sunderland number 6. The way that he weakly fails to shield the ball, and then looks like he is running in quicksand as he puffs after John Deehan deserved to concede a goal. The only shame is that the deflection didn't come off of his chest to compel his misery. Then we have to consider that it is Sunderland. I have no like or dislike of Sunderland, they are geographically about as far away from the club I support as it is possible to be, but I have to admit to enjoying the irony of this goal. In 1973 Sunderland had every bit of luck in the world on their side as they beat Leeds to win the FA Cup. I wasn't alive then, but I'm reliably informed that everyone outside of Leeds and Newcastle rejoiced in Sunderland's victory. The sporting gods decided however that Sunderland must pay for the good fortune given to them in 1973 at the next possible opportunity. Gordon Chisholm HAD to score this own goal to maintain the sporting equilibrium. Every fan knows that for each Jim Montgomery moment, there has to be a Gordon Chisholm............. Now, just don't mention Clive Mendonca!
Gordon Strachan - Leeds United 4-3 Liverpool - Charity Shield 1992
Gordon Strachan - From 8.04 onwards
I'm not picking on Scottish men called Gordon, honestly! If Chisholms OG needs a bit of detailed analysis to see the real beauty of it, then Strachan's is as obvious a thing of beauty as you will ever see. There is not a more aesthetically pleasing own goal around. The little man picked the perfect time aswell. The Charity Shield used to signal the end of 3 football free months, so everyone used to watch it in delight, no matter what garbage was on show. Leeds and Liverpool would need to conjure up something special to beat the Keegan / Bremner roll the sleeves aggression of the 70's. Strachan, realised that although a 4-2 victory was a good start for his team, the general football public needed a real talking point to get them all going for the 9 month slog ahead. Defending on the far post he watched as the ball came to Mark Wright, who fired a tame shot goalwards. Coolly attempting to trap the ball before knocking it away, the wee man managed to knock it between his right and left feet before backheeling over the line. 5 seconds after Andy Gray said "good attacking football....It's been great to watch," Strachan showed what the vast majority of football fans had really wanted to see. A highly paid, international footballer making a complete tool of himself.
Chris Brass - Darlington v Bury - League 2 2006
Chris Brass
Chris Brass sums up everything I love about football. The thing about the 2 Gordon's is that they had amazingly successful careers and scored their own goals at Wembley. Chris Brass must have been an amazing footballer to have had a decent career. I had 2 lads in my school team who went on to be professional footballers and I know how much better than the rest of us they were. Chris Brass, with a bit of luck could have been a Premiership player, because there is not that much difference between a lot of League 2 players and lower division Premiership players. In short Chris Brass is 50 times the footballer than we ever could have been. He will be remembered for one thing though, one thing that took place infront of about 2000 people, but thanks to TV and internet has been seen by millions worldwide. It is just Chris Brass' bad luck that he played out his 300 or so league games in the internet age. Many a buffoon in the 1950's never had to cope with their mistakes being endlessly repeated, and talked about by idiots like me.
A cross comes in and Brass, in the left back position, with no opposition player near by, has a range of options to clear the ball. Deciding that a header back to the keeper could result in an unnecessary corner, or own goal, Brass decides that the best way of dealing with the cross is to hook the ball away over his own head, towards the half way line. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this thinking. In fact, as a percentage option it is probably the best one to take as it is the least likely way of conceding a goal.. In that situation, I would have panicked and just smashed it out for a corner. The unfortunate thing for Chris Brass was that he smacked the ball into his own face, and then watched as the ball flew apologetically into the back of his own net. It sums up the journeyman footballer in 10 seconds. If Chris Brass had had good luck, he would have played in the Premiership. If he had good luck he may have been remembered for scoring the winning goal in a big match. If he had had good luck, one day at Darlington he would have cleared a cross over his head and everyone would have forgotten about it. Some fans may have even applauded a job well done. Fortunately for us, Chris Brass had a huge amount of bad luck.
Honourable mentions must go to Lee Dixon, Jamie Pollock and Tony Popovic..... Yours were all works of art gentlemen, but I have to draw the line somewhere!
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